The mission to “god knows where”

About the Author

The author is basically screwed up, so who cares, just proceed with the story. Anyways, Just in case you want his name he is Anand (Andy) in real and in the story....

Part I

Recruiting the Squad…

I am a strong believer in the concept of the 3C’s, Commotion, Confusion and Chaos. The dust and air around me is filled with the 3C’s. Mom yelling at me “you cant do a single thing right” dad shouting “how can you be so stupid” teachers who have said “can you count the number of times you were suspended” friends always blaming “can’t you get a fucking movie time correctly”…I always felt this syndrome has left a scar in my life. But honestly I enjoyed doing it that way. Well, for a long time I had been seriously thinking about these qualities and fighting hard to improve, all in vain. But then I heard a saying, which I did not believe initially but was amazed when it really happened. The saying (I don’t recall the exact words, but here’s what it meant) is that when you have a small pain, look at people with even bigger pain, try and be with them and then you will derive happiness in spite of the endless small pain you carry.

That was exactly when I met the second member of this squad. Guru was his name. Man, I should accept, he made me really happy. The 3C’s around him were like an island surrounded by water…. there was simply no escape from the stupidity and confusion. With curly long hair, he resembled Jim Morrison of the doors (he likes to be called like that). A broad face, with a broad smile and droopy eyes. Women loved him, girls adored him, teenagers craved for him…..if only all of them were blind. Now, lets get back to the story…guru and I became great buddies because of the common stupidity that we shared, matching interests, matching hobbies….everything was just perfect. It’s been 8 long years now, but we are still great buddies even now, which means we are still as stupid as we were 8 years back. But, Guru and I used to hang out together and the 3C’s syndrome now bothered both of us. From the small pain, it became slightly larger and we have to meet someone who had more of the 3C syndrome than both of us together. Honestly we wanted some buffer so that we need not chase one more again.

I still thank god for having made me meet the 3rd member of the squad. Milan Jain was the man. Thin, fair and handsome, he was a hot guy throughout his childhood (sometimes even now). Having affairs left right and center. For a change this guy was intelligent, well behaved and good in music (the attributes that guru and I never had). But on the 3C’s front, he was god. If guru was an island, Milan was the sun surrounded by an infinite universe of 3C’s and we loved him for that. We 3 have been together now for almost 3 years, hanging around, pubbing, dance bars, movies, shopping, traveling almost everything. So, in essence the trio had an infinite force of “do nothing in time” and “take no blame” attitude spreading all around us.

But as the negatives and positives get balanced over time and as god always has the final say, we were negated too. This time it was opposite sex. Yanoo is a slender, athletic girl from the suburbs of pune. She just passed out of college and got recruited for her skills (imagine the guys who would have interviewed her) in a company in Bangalore. Looking at the multi cultural mix in Bangalore, something that yanoo just loved, she was more than happy to shift out of home. Her initial days were passing out until the interesting day when she met Milan came by. I can bet my ass, no one can guess where Milan met yanoo. Of all the good men in the world, Milan once chose to attend the cry program (social service program) where he actually met yanoo. No one alive still knows why Milan chose to attend the program but everyone living is sure that he never did that mistake again. But the good thing about him attending that program was, that he met yanoo (and none of the poor deserted orphans got any assistance from Milan). The two of them were compatible and each understood and tolerated the other well. Now, we were four of us, as yanoo also hanged around with us (or maybe the other way around) and we got along with lives pretty well. Movies, pubs, dance and all that shit. It was beginning of august and there were a lot of talks all around about the Independence Day. And rest assured, all the idiots were more impressed with the long weekend that came because of independence and not the independence by itself (including us).

On the first Monday of august, late in the evening, Milan came out with a howling cry, “Man, lets get the hell out of Bangalore”. Guru was busy at home doing serious work (sleep) and I was just going to bed. Yanoo was even more productive with her eyes glued to the crappy bollywood movie, which was repeated for the 2 powers 25th time in star gold. No one responded. I broke the silence saying, “Sure man, lets plan out and go somewhere”. Yahoo added “why not go to GOA” (which is her standard comment when anyone talks about a trip)….the conversation was picking up and finally I broke out “milli, I will find out about some nice place tomorrow” for which he almost gave back immediately “me too, I’ll check out tomorrow”…But the best point was that the same thought was running in both our minds “you…of all the people going to find out….Hashanah what a joke”…but we both bid good bye for the night without a word. Astonishingly, both of us turned out with some information. Yanoo and Milan had managed to get some information about jog falls and I managed to get some information about bandipur and ooty.

I had my own doubts on why Milan was so active on collecting the info. He’s never been quick when he needed a visa, when he needed a pan card, when he needed car insurance, when he needed a key for the house. I predicted it was either because of yanoo pushing or because of an unknown cause. At that time I never imagined that the squad was getting an addition. It was all about Monisha Jain, Milan’s sister. Monisha was planning on coming around to Bangalore for the long weekend and out hero had promised an outing. Days passed and we all kept debating between the locations, jog falls or bandipur. Pro’s and con’s were analyzed and reanalyzed and we always made sure that we ended the debate with no conclusion. The answer was always the same “I’ll check it out tomorrow and we’ll plan it” and as always all of us laughed within. It was now 14th of august and we had no idea what we wanted to do, where we had to go and what we need to do to get going. Milan was stuck to jog falls, I was stuck to bandipur/ooty and yanoo was behaving like a 2 year old “I want to be in water…booohhooooo” (as though she came from Chennai, where some people never get to see water for a few days). Monisha was expected to be in Bangalore in the night flight and we had to leave early morning next day and it was only god who knew what our mission was on the long weekend.

Finally, Milan did a couple of nice things that evening, he called up the cab guy and fixed the cab saying he wanted to go to jog falls. The other was he convinced one of his friends “debu” to join us. So, that night I was back home early and managed to find out from some people that the Western Ghats had heavy rains. So, heading towards jog falls wouldn’t be a good idea. Milan and yanoo picked up mons (monisha) from the airport and came home at about 10. Monisha, from what I can say was a cut and paste of Milan; only that she was a little chubby and shorter. Being the most intelligent in the family and the most educated as well (IIT’ian) she had been successful in the IT industry for quite long now and operated from Delhi. At this point in time, that’s all I knew about mons. So, we had 5 people in the squad and the sixth was debu. Debu is man with a few words. Thin, fair, smiling face and a moustache, which was partly pointing upwards (defying newtons law of gravity), he was a great guy to hang around with. Not very assertive and not very complicated is something that I liked pretty much in him. I had met debu before in a dance club with Milan.

All of us started packing our stuffs, of course accompanied with a lot of sounds from milan’s room “yanooo, we can keep that in later”, “milli, I know for sure you will forget it by tomorrow”, “mons, did you bring a jerkin with you” and so on….by that time, I had finished my packing and settled with my guitar (an instrument which has fascinated me for years, but not once I could play it well). Yanoo, came in and said, “Andy, I will wake you up at 5 in the morning and make sure you get up…don’t make a fuss, do you understand”….I nodded and retired to work (sleep). That’s an interesting point to talk about. Waking up in the morning has always been a Herculean task for milli and me. The servant maid would spend hours ringing the bell but the door never opened. As my other roommate Pramod always says “The only difference is that Andy never hears any sound when he’s asleep, milli always hears them but never opens”.

It was morning so soon. The driver has checked into the apartment and yanoo is up and running. She woke me up with a jerk, I managed to sneak in a 10 min sleep in between, mons was already taking bath and milli was lying like a dead duck on the bed. We freshened up and I cycled down to guru’s house to ensure he’s ready. Milli, yanoo and mons would pick up debu and then hit guru’s house to pick us up. The only difference was that we were going to bandipur and not jogs falls. A shock to the cab guys as well. This last minute change in plan provided so much of happiness to all of us making sure that there was a pinch of 3C’s tills the last minute. Guru has an inherent ability to delay plans by as small as a few hours, owing to his exhaustive bathing and bathroom adventures. So, I took the responsibility of getting him on time (and of course to sneak in a coffee in his house from his mom). Guru’s dad and mom and cool, and I always enjoyed being around talking to them when I get a chance. So, all set with just an hours delay, we boarded the quails to complete the mission, equipped with all the latest ammunitions (mp3 payers, tape to cd converted, CD’s cameras, goggles, food) we were now ready to take the mission that god pointed to us indirectly (thru our half rotten brain). Before I forget, the guy who drove the vehicle, which he did very well, was Ravi. A quiet, obedient and young driver who drove us all thru the mission without any complaint and hassles.

We filled in diesel and the mood was getting dim. Something was immediately needed to pep up the spirits of the squad and I was restlessly targeting some one to make some stupid comments. We had all handed over our common funds (Rs. 1000) to yanoo. Yanoo made a slight remark in a baby voice saying “guys, all of you have handed over money to me, what will happen if I escape with this money” and there I cornered my target. I broke out saying, if that’s what you have in mind, let us know, we’ll al give you another 1000 more… and everyone broke out laughing…the mood was set, the time was right and the mission never looked more easier…

Lets check out the people before we start with the core mission.....

Left corner is Monisha (Mons)
The only other girl (Yanoo)
Guy in the red t-shirt (Milano)
Guy with the cap (Andy)
The rockstar look (Guru)
The one left out (Debu)


PART II

So, like I said, we hit the dusty, polluted roads of Bangalore with a pure vision that the trip was going to be great fun. We had a small halt in banashankari ring road just to fill in with some idly/dosa/vada and a cup of steaming hot coffee. Guru and I (the only 2 regular smokers) refilled the tobacco dosages. One great thing guru did before hand was that the day before the travel he reminded me to buy a crate of beer (which I did without a question. First things first). So, we had some beers loaded as well.

When we talk about any trip on a van or jeep, there is always some problems with the seating arrangements. The front seat near the driver was the best. It was meant to accommodate 2 people and no jerks. The next row (behind the driver) was good too. No jerks, no throwbacks. The one in the behind was the scariest. It was most uncomfortable and there was no breathing room. You always had to depend on the guy in front to open the windows. Despite these issues, I think we managed it pretty well, without any discrepancies. If I remember right, debu and I spent most of the time in the back seats. Others did of course spend some time in turns. Even I started feeling a bit uncomfortable towards the end, but debu was enjoying it all through. The funniest thing was that he could fit into different topologies in that small area. He could lie down lengthwise, breadth wise, diagonally I mean…. anyway he wanted.

The next problem to be tackled was smoking in the car. Some enjoy it (like me and guru), some accept it (like debu, milli and mons) some just hate it at first. So, the first cigarette you smoke in the car needs to be well accepted, if it lands up in a fight you can never smoke a cigarette again in the car for the whole trip. So, I made sure that everyone granted permission with yaanu making a few faces (that wasn’t new to us). Then slowly debu joined the gang of smokers and no more problems. The next step was opening the beer, which I guess no one had problems.

By this time we were on the Mysore highway. The drive as such was not very pleasant. The traffic was ridiculous with the ongoing and incoming always on the same road (even if separate ones existed). Lorries are perennial menace to traffic. Most of these are on their deathbed, but still somehow moving. Their tyres are as bald as my dad’s head and a horn, which sounds like the lorry driver is inviting you for a war. We also saw a lot of two wheelers moving around with frustration and constant grumbling. Added to this toruture was ravi driving. Ravi, was basically getting restless and trying to find out gaps to keep moving. Most of the time he landed up with a sudden break making some wake up from sleep and the others make uncanny noises (mostly yanu). Now, a new thread of activity started and this was to keep informing ravi to take it easy on the road. The guy sitting in the front took this responsibility. If I remember, this was the time when debu started his talks about investing in a house. All he was talking was in terms of 30 by 40 and 40 by 60. Yaanu was already sleeping clinging to Milan (I laugh sometimes when I get a feeling, yaanu thinks someone might steal Milan when she’s sleeping), but that’s how she sleeps. Mons was busy testing her new digital camera. Guru had setup the music system and acquired the role of the DJ. I was enjoying a smoke in the back.

Look at what movies have done to the youngsters. We hit a place, which was filled with stones, small rocky hills and texas type look. For a long time no one seemed interested in this place. Milan enlightened the crowd by spitting the fact that this was ramanagara, the place where the legendary film sholay was shot. God knows how yanu filters information while asleep, she was up and ready to explore the place. Lets go and check it out. We had to calm her down by saying we’ll definitely see it while coming back. She gave a look as though she missed seeing amitabh and dharmendar with basanti in the sholay sets. Then we hit an amusement park and there again yaanu questioned and we answered (the question is that “can we just get down and take a look?” and the answer was always “we will do it when we are coming back baby!!!”). We then hit Mysore, had a small snack. By now the climate was chilling down a bit and it was pleasant.

We actually started enjoying the ride as we closed down on bandipur. Until then it was just yapping about, making jokes, music and reading. Once in a while of course, hitting the brakes for a quick pee session. We hardly realized we where there because there wasn’t much of a forest to be seen, all we saw was just huge stretch of land with shrubs and grass. There was a small hill and a motel just opposite to it bearing the name of Bandipur in its signboard. We enquired and the guy said that we were late, and no accommodation was available and he guided us to another resort a few kilometers away. This place was called M.C resorts. It was a small area with an open park surrounded by small houses. Pretty comfy, affordable and neat. It had a restaurant and a bar attached. The catch about this place was the 3 doberman’s sitting in front of the reception. They were huge and looked like they can devour a goat, but behaved themselves sitting quietly in a corner. The office guy said he could find us 2 rooms by 8.00 in the night. So, here we were in the afternoon, with no place to freshen up and no plans ahead. Remember 3C’s. So, we decided that we will hit the bandipur safari, take a look around and then come back to the hotel and check in.

The road starting from bandipur wild life office onwards is amazing. Both sides of the road are covered with thick full-grown trees and shrubs and the best part was the roads. They were pretty well maintained. We took a small ride just to check for any other resorts and this drive was great. The first indication of seeing a forest animal (outside the car, there were quite a few inside) was monkeys. Different varieties of them. These guys were all over the place. Upside down, mid-air, hanging on one hand, fighting out their guts, name the stunt and they had it. The other was a more emotional family type gang. These guys were always with their families’ dad, mom and an infant clinging to her. Typical exhibition scene, but these families were not staring at the endless shops, but were staring at the endless travelers. Yaanu has a lot of liking for monkeys. Somehow, a long hidden emotion, love or affection eventually surfaces and explodes at some time. Yaanu could not control herself. She simply wanted to stop over all places where they were and that means stopping every 10 feet. Ridiculous…..But that shows how much relation she had for them. The first indication of respect that she showed to the monkeys was wearing the monkey cap, which we all followed eventually like monkeys .The second animal (I hate to call it an animal, but that’s what it is) that we could spot all over the roads were deers. Deers are cute and sensitive. They give away a feeling of comfort, peace and harmony by their mere presence. A classic question that confused me in my childhood rose again, how can we differentiate these animals. All of them look the same (some were of the same size). They keep staring at you and with the slightest movement they start bouncing like a spring and vanish into the bushes. We took some good snaps and kept moving. By now the road had started curving and the drive was getting even better with our shoulders constantly moving. Milan always had his trademark comment “Just look at this, its simple awesome”. Guru and I kept smoking a cigarette in each stop, mons busy with the pictures and debu gazing all around. Finally we went back, booked the resort and had a very quick lunch at M.C resort. The food was really not bad at all. Then we settled for a tea and started out for the safari.
The Safari had a long queue (typically like any other government office). The prices were not too high, if I remember it was 110 for adults and an additional 50 or so for the camera. We boarded the bus after about 45 minutes of waiting. Now, the most disappointing thing about the trip was the signboard at the ticket counter. It says “We do not assure you that you can see any wild animals in the safari. Seeing them is just a matter of luck”. In fact that is exactly what differentiates this from a zoo safari. It hard to accept but just the truth. Anyways, without much loss of hope, we settled down in the bus. The best thing about the safari was the ride and not the regular animals (deers, monkeys, peacocks) that we see. Being inside a thick jungle is a scare by itself. The spooky environment clubbed with some wild animals is the thrill. Bad pathways, trees all around, marshy spots, spooky noises really triggers your memories of all the spooky movies you have seen. We started seeing elephant now. They weren’t the traditional huge ones, but big enough and of course had their offsprings along. They were just minding their job and posed no threat, but we dare not srive too close to them. Finally after a 45 min drive we finally returned having seen some deers, monkeys and few elephants and a wild mongoose. Yaanu and mons took some nice close snaps with the elephant, while we picked up a chat with one of the forest security guys who was talking about a leopard being spotted a day before. It is these stories and sightings that actually give the thrill about the forest. It triggers your fear and at the same time makes you long for an event of sighting to happen. Pretty contradicting but true.

We were back in the resort now and checked into our rooms. Me, guru and debu were in one and rest in the other. Ravi had his own room, the quails. We freshened up and took a walk around until it was 7.30. This is the time when we had asked for the born fire. The waiter in charge was gangadharan, alias gangu. Sweet guy he was, he served us pretty well. The wood was assembled, and we were busy with the bonfire creation. I got a feeling that we were inventing fire, man the time it took to get the woods in the right place. Debu was an expert in this area though. Finally we succeeded. We had beer ( I had half a bottle of whisky planted inside), ordered for some cool drinks and snacks and started enjoying the bonfire. Now, there again was a little thrill that was induced to this sport. Gangu said, you should be very careful because wild elephants tend to enter the resort once in a while. We started off with dumbsy. Guru, mons and I were one team and the rest were the other. The night was simple amazing filled with fun, the fire to keep us warm, the clowny actions of people, comments passed around and beer to provide some side kicks. There were quite some tough ones like phenomenon, andromeda something, and so on. Now, by this time, guru and I had completed the 12 pints and devoured the half bottle of whisky. We were pretty high and obsessed with the born fire, started calling “Ganguuuuuu….Ganguuuuu….where is the woods….we want to keep the bonfire going for the whole night”. And then after a lot of funny acts (dancing, pouring pepsi, fighting over a pillow, pushing debu into a corner of the room) the days work had taken over us and we crashed into our beds. The next day was no different than the previous days where Guru and I hardly remembered a thing and yaanu, mons and debu came out with our fairy tales. Unfortunately guru and I have heard enough of these and were not a bit surprised. We had a nice breakfast, fixed our plans and vacated…..This time, we were heading for Ooty. Not too far, but the drive was what we cached on…….